


You Make My Love Come Down

by Intergalactic_Octopus



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Blow Jobs, F/M, Forest Sex, Friends With Benefits, Hand Job, I literally said BOOM forest sex when I saw that tag lmao it was made for me, I'm suprised throatfuck doesn't have it's own tag but okay, Mutual Masturbation, Public Sex, Throat Fucking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 13:01:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13904544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Intergalactic_Octopus/pseuds/Intergalactic_Octopus
Summary: Illiana Aeducan and Sten of the Beresaad have a complicated sexual relationship. One built on a sarcastic friendship and mutual sexual frustrations. And a dash little loneliness and homesickness on top for good measure.When they are aroused and when they are sleeping together, the consequences of their actions are just too far in the back of their minds to even acknowledge. But when they are done, and they come down, they wonder silently why they keep doing what they do when it hurts so much more than the pain they were salving. Somehow this relationship just seems to bring out the worst in them when it was supposed to help.  But it’s an addiction. A cure for an itch and a habit too hard to break.Actual warning for this fic: So this, from my fancy description a bit unhealthy I won’t lie. It’s just as smutty as Pulled from Both Ends so if you wanna read something dirty without other messy feelings in it, go there. Otherwise, I’ll put the triggers in the bottom notes and you can decide for yourself.





	You Make My Love Come Down

**Author's Note:**

> Another writing prompt from my tumblr. This one was dirty talking. I also just wanted Sten to get the suc. But it devolved into goddamn madness and a cathartic fic for me so yall have to give me a mulligan on this one lol. It’s good, it’s just really emotional too!

          “Grey Warden.” Sten called through the forest from his position at the strategic rear of their four-party group. At that time of day, when the sun hugged the edge of the horizon and the nocturnal creatures announced their awakening, they walked in silence because it was impossible for their words to penetrate the damn near maddening cacophony of forest noise. Whoever said that the forest was a place of peace and tranquility must have never traveled through one at dusk. But his voice was booming and deep and carried to the head of the pack, their leader Warden Illiana Aeducan, well enough to stop her, and everyone else, in their tracks.  

 

          “What?” Illiana sneered, snapping her head toward him with a glare that could kill an Archdemon. Alistair and Wynne froze in place and looked between Sten and Illiana, fearful that if they moved they would wind up in the path of whatever storm was brewing. This, aside from the screaming forest, was another reason they walked in silence. Illiana, as she always was after a difficult assignment, was in a foul foul mood and anyone with sense knew to leave her to fume lest they be caught in her wrath too.   

 

_Qunari must surely be fearless people,_ Wynne must have thought. _Only a stupid man would bother her after that werewolf nonsense. His funeral,_ Alistair had to have chuckled internally.

 

Sten though, was unaffected by her glare. He crossed his arms over his chest plate, the gloves tinked and clunked against each other, and he rolled his eyes slowly before focusing them back on the lead Warden.

 

          “Gray Warden, there is a matter I need to discuss with you in private.” He spoke aloofly, as always, and let out another long, exhausted sigh. Well, it was what other people would perceive as exhaustive, only Illiana knew it’s true meaning. “The rest of our companions will go ahead. I only need a moment of your time.”

 

          He wasn’t asking. She liked that.

 

          Illiana’s lips twitched and a smile tried to crack through her scowl. It almost won, but she remembered that they weren’t alone. By the Paragon’s will, she would not be the one to blow their cover. She bit the inside of her cheek and stoned her expression. 

 

          “You can’t wait till we get to camp?” Illiana smacked her dry mouth, they’d been out of water for a few miles now, and brushed her dreads from her face. They stared each other down for a moment, a regular old-fashioned battle of wills.

 

          The time between them felt like hours although it must have only been a few seconds, Still, with the energy crackling between the two, anything was possible. Time could have bent to their will, it was so thick and palpable. It could have even ripped open the fade itself. _But that was a ludicrous idea._

 

          Still, in that time frame, however their minds perceived it, Sten and Illiana stared each other down in a battle neither Alistair nor Wynne understood. Good. They weren’t meant to understand.

 

          And Illiana couldn’t be assed to care if they did. She barely noticed their presence. Any attention she could spare was on her pounding heart and the ache between her legs. Sten always had that effect on her. Her heart echoed in her ears and drowned out the sounds of nature. And she could barely feel the chill in the air when her core heated like a furnace and radiated up and down her body.  In their battle of wills, it was obvious who’s resolve would crumble first. But this was all part of their weird foreplay. And she always seemed to lose. Sometimes too enthusiastically though.

 

          “If you’ve got something to say, Sten, why not share it with everyone?” Alistair finally stepped forward, hands out in a “truce” position. “Just seems a bit rude to leave us out and all. You’re making me feel lonely to be honest.” Alistair joked. This was his attempt to cut what he thought was hostility in the air. Poor oblivious thing. His heart was in the right place but it was a fool’s errand. What churned between Sten and Illiana was so far from aggression it was hilarious.

 

          So Illiana laughed, for one of the few times since they’d known each other, _at_ Alistair. She made of habit of never laughing at him, or talking down to him or treating him like a child when his comments were not at the same level of experience as hers. It was not his fault he was raised a chantry boy.  Plus, she found him attractive and kind, and sometimes mused on them being together, so being mean was just counterproductive. This time though, he was so far off the mark she had to make an exception.

 

          “What?” Alistair questioned. Wynne just shrugged. As perceptive of an old witch she was, even she didn’t notice. They liked it that way. It kept things simple and Sten and Illiana’s relationship was complicated enough.

 

          Illiana laughed again, and shook her head which intern shook her dreads loose from behind her ears. When she reached up to grab a single loc and move it behind her ear and out of her face, Sten’s eyes trained on her. She froze.

 

          Sten once informed her that she had a “tell”. Illiana absently but nervously played with her hair just before they had sex. They were sleeping together in secret so no shit she was nervous. They played a dangerous game each time they fucked because eventually one of them would slip up and someone would find out. Yet there she was, touching and twisting away and he’d caught her again. He ‘hmphed”. Giant sodding bastard.

 

          Still, it was in the way so she just grit her teeth and tucked her hair back behind her ears, only now hyper aware of her actions. With her eyes on Sten she tapped at her wrists, searching for a cord of some sort for a more long-lasting solution to her hair troubles. Of course, she couldn’t find one. Not without breaking eye contact with Sten. He gave a quick once over of her actions and flashed a knowing, smug, smile.

 

_I will handle your hair, Kadan. Tell them to leave._

 

          That was the only message she could infer from his smile. And other than a single, life changing, snafu with her brother, Illiana prided herself her ability to read people.

 

          “So, it can’t wait?” She asked again, ignoring Alistair.

 

_Further down the road in their journey, “Ignore Alistair” would not be a phrase she’d use, even in her subconscious thought. Because she’d fall head over heels for the big dork before it was all said and done. But for now, they were still good friends and so he didn’t matter. Neither did Wynne. Nor the rest of the people back at camp. Where Sten and Illiana’s feet were, and the path between them, those were the only patches of grass on of all rotting, wet dog smelling, Thedas that mattered._

 

          “No.” He answered flatly, his arms still crossed across his chest. If he was affected as much as she was, he didn’t show it. So much like a stone statue or a gargoyle. More gargoyle probably, considering he needed a special set of circumstances to come alive. Or as lively as Sten could be.

 

          Illiana let out a long huff and ground her teeth harder. Again, another set of actions that the world would interpret as hostile even though the only aggression she felt was aggressive arousal. She switched her weight from one foot to the other in a desperate attempt to find some friction between her legs. That only made her more frustrated. Sten’s lips twitched and he shrugged his shoulder.

 

          _If you would do as you are told, Kadan, I would take care of you._

 

It’s what her mind thought he said, or hoped he said. He was a demon at times.

 

          “It will not take long. Tell them to go.” Again, he wasn’t asking. She swallowed, and shut her eyes slowly, pinching her brow.

 

          Alistair stepped closer to Illiana, now pissed that Sten was annoying her, or what he saw as her being annoyed.

 

          Damned good-hearted fool. Alistair couldn’t possibly know her mind was a muddled mess of a picture book, just flipping through memories of every time Sten gave her a look or order and then before she knew it, she was on her ass for him. Or stomach. Or knees. Or just clean off her fucking feet!  One time she sent the rest of the party off to talk to towns folks while he had her pinned to a wall of some run-down house, surrounded by death and her legs on his shoulder. It was hell keeping quiet in that echoey building while he ate her out and jerked himself to completion all over the rotting floor.

 

_The last time was supposed to be the last time, she’d decided on her own.  But Sten, and what he did to her body, was a hard habit to break. And he didn’t know, so just once more. For old time sakes. And then no more._

 

          “Fine. Go on ahead. We’ll catch up.” Illiana hand waved to Alistair and Wynne. They stared daggers into Sten, Alistair even refusing to leave until Wynne placed a gentle hand on his armor.

 

          “Let them be.” She said softly, soothing the protective warrior back from his anger. “Illiana can take care of herself.”

 

          Alistair snorted and turned on his heels, past Illiana and Wynne and barreled through the woods like a bronto. She could hear him cursing and mumbling to himself, Wynne not far behind until the forest returned to his chorus of birds and insect calls.

 

_Now a major aside:  Illiana didn’t know Alistair had already developed feelings for her and that’s why he stayed and why he was so suddenly furious. He wasn’t jealous, he didn’t know about Illiana and Sten, but he was angry he couldn’t protect her like a “real man”. She didn’t know that when he walked away he was cursing himself for his inability to stand his ground, regardless of the fact he didn’t have a justifiable leg to stand on. He even “talked” to Sten a few days later about antagonizing their leader. That only earned him a grunt and eye-roll from the stoic man. But still, she didn’t know how he felt, he’d never told her, and so she was oblivious to his inner conflict. Where she saw her second in command trying to keep order, there was romantic protectiveness.  And where he saw annoyance, there was just masked arousal. That’s why the two end up together after all. They are both oblivious fools.  But let’s go back to Illiana and Sten, because no matter how deep Alistair will settle into her heart in the future, Sten was all her body screamed for in the present._

 

          “Thank you, Kadan.” Sten said her nickname sweetly, once he was sure the rest of the party was out of earshot.

 

          “Okay, what now?” Illiana asked, not moving from where she stood. And neither did he. Instead, Sten worked on removing the most cumbersome pieces of the armor he wore. The gloves went first and hit the ground like a stone, flinging dust and dirt into the air before settling back down in the grass.

 

          It was hard to forget that Sten was a giant man, but Illiana still found herself mesmerized by how strong he was. Legion armor was some of the heaviest armor they’d found in their travels thus far, it took three people to carry it out of the deep roads, yet Sten wore it like it was some raw hide crap found on a peasant corpse in a ditch.

 

          “The fact you make me wear this armor never fails to amuse me, Kadan.” Sten chuckled and reached to his sides to start at the oversized chest plate. He was poking fun at the fact it was dwarven armor. Not in a way to disparage dwarven culture but just to tease her for wanting him of all people to wear a piece of her culture around.

 

          Illiana kissed her teeth.

 

          “I told you I wasn’t sodding homesick.” She glared but Sten only smiled harder.

 

          “And I do not know why you insist on lying to me like you do.” The last of the straps came undone and he carefully dropped the heavy armor on the ground alongside the gloves.  “There is no need for you to remove yours. At least for now.” He added before she even started.

 

          Illiana wasn’t wearing particularly heavy nor awkward armor, being a rogue and all, so she just rolled her eyes.

 

          “Sten.” She started but her eyes drifted below his belt and at the tent of fabric at the crotch of his tunic. The rest of her words caught in her throat like a fly in a spider’s web and she coughed to clear them. No luck though.

 

          “Come here.” He said and her feet obediently obeyed until she stood in front of him. She was at the perfect height to see that his erection lifted his tunic slightly and strained against the fabric of his pants, outlining much of the length and girth.  

 

          “So, I take it you don’t want to talk.” Illiana smiled, shaking her head.

 

          Sten didn’t reply, he just responded by placing his hand on her cheek. Gently, he caressed her with his thumb, up and down in short soft strokes despite how callused his fingers were. But slowly he moved his thumb. First at the corner of her lips and Illiana’s heart was so loud she was sure it would explode in her chest. He moved his thumb over more, resting it just at the cupid’s bow and tapping it gently on her lips.

 

          Anticipation built in her stomach and she tried her hardest to control her breathing. But it was fucking impossible. How quickly her breath shifted from an even rhythm to fast, short, and aroused was downright embarrassing. And it didn’t help that where his thumb set, he could feel her breath leaving her nose and gliding past her lips, like he only did that so he could feel the changes in her arousal.

 

          A strained moaned escaped her chest and Sten flashed his teeth.

 

          “You look stressed, Kadan.” He smiled, pressing his thumb harder against her lips until she could feel it smush against her teeth.

 

          “No shit, Sten.” She spoked around his finger, it was difficult, he kept pressing harder.

 

          “I have something to help.” He said, and pressed more.  

 

          The more pressure he put on her lips, the more they and her teeth parted to compensate. When he had enough room, he pushed his thumb into her mouth and depressed it down on her tongue, prying her mouth open further. Illiana shut her eyes and panted around his thumb, each breath shaky and ragged. She swallowed hard even with her mouth agape, expecting the second Sten removed his thumb he’d slide his cock in. Her mouth didn’t feel so dry anymore.

 

          He pulled it out and just rubbed his wet thumb against her lips. Then there was a rustling noise, clinks and clanks, and he placed something bitter on her tongue. She opened her eyes and pulled out whatever it was. Elfroot. Illiana just rolled her eyes and snapped off the leaves from the stem and chewed them like tobacco. Even before she got a good grind on them, the tingle and subsequent numbness coated her mouth and throat instantly.

 

          When she looked up again, Sten was walking away. She wrinkled her brows, confused, until she saw him pat a large willow tree trunk. He used the tree to lower his body to the ground, sitting between large roots jutting from the ground like arm rests to a massive chair. She didn’t need instruction. She walked to him and sat down between his legs.

 

          “You sure you don’t want to ‘talk’? I know how much you love my bothersome questions.” Illiana smirked and swallowed instead of spitting the elfroot juice. Her throat would need it.  All the while running her hands up and down his thighs, enjoying the rough fabric of his cheap pants under her palms.

 

          “No.” He put his hand back on her cheek. “But I do require the use of your mouth in another way, Kadan.” Sten said, and with his free hand he moved the front flap of his tunic to show his erection again. Sitting down, either it strained even harder against his pants or between the time he thumbed her mouth and sat down, he’d gotten even harder.  

 

          “How long were you in such need, Sten?” Illiana laughed and worked her hands up his thigh to his dick, pressing her palm against the bulge. He didn’t so much as moan, or hiss or react to her touch. He never did, at least at first, she’d have to work for it every time. So, she pressed harder, and gripped his dick through the fabric.

 

          “Too long. And I have to say I am disappointed in you.” Sten said, but he added a little laugh/snort to the end so she’d know he was joking. To be fair though, Illiana assumed half of everything that came out of Sten’s mouth was sarcastic until proven otherwise. “I thought you would have felt how turned on I was sooner. We have been doing this for some time now, you should know when I want you.” He cupped her cheek harder and leaned down. He placed a hard kiss on her neck and ear, skipping foreplay and biting down on her neck.

 

          “You always want me though.” Illiana moaned, leaning her neck to the side to give him more access. His mouth was so hot. He racked his teeth down her neck, his tongue dragging along with it. She gripped his dick harder, she could feel it twitch under her palm.

 

          “Exactly.” Sten said against her neck, reaching down to his thigh, and grabbing one of her hands. Dwarves were a short but sturdy race, so rarely did she ever have to deal with someone totally eclipsing her hand with theirs, but Sten’s engulfed hers, moving it like it was nothing to the waist band of his pants. He grabbed the other hand and placed it in the same spot. Subtle.

 

          Illiana worked at undoing his pants, while Sten continued to lick and suck and bite at her neck and shoulders. She could feel his hands pressing into her sides, searching for the seams in her armor. That’s why he didn’t want her to take it off, he wanted to remove it himself. While he had no problem undressing her and kicking off his boots at the same time, her sodding fingers did not want to cooperate as most of her mental focus was elsewhere. She had little to devote to find motor skills. Like trying to get a sodding belt clasp undone.

 

          “Hurry up.” Sten hissed in her ear, biting down on her ear lobe. It stung for half a second before it felt so so so fucking good.  

 

          “I can’t- not with you- Fuck you Sten.” Illiana snarled, squinting her eyes and willing them to focus on his pants. The crotch of his pants? No, the belt. Focus on the belt. Sodding fucking bastard. “Couldn’t this wait until we got back? You know, in my tent?” If they were back at camp they were up to at least human armpits in belts, she could just pull a dagger and cut the blasted fucking thing away.

 

          “Do you want our companions to gossip about me going into your tent. You’ve done this before, Kadan, what is so difficult now?” Sten teased, whispering in her ear though the way the rest of the forest went silent to her, he might have well been shouting, his voice felt everywhere. Inside her, around her, a part of her soul. She swallowed hard, and panted, and coughed when her own spit went down the wrong way. She shut her eyes hard and just focused on the belt, just the belt. Not anything else. Like Sten’s hands sliding past her own waist line and under her smalls. When had he opened her belt? Fuck.

 

          “You don’t think they’ll gossip about you wanting to ‘talk’ in the middle of the damn woods?” She pulled the wrong way on the belt, then the right way but at the wrong angle, and then the wrong way once more before finally unfastening his blasted belt. Her hands made quick work of yanking it out of the loops and, Sten (finally being helpful), lifted his hips for her, just enough so she could drag his pants down his thighs and past his knees. His smalls were easy work, a drunk could handle smalls, but still she had a bit of trouble. Sten. Sten was the bit of blasted, blessed trouble.

 

          “Fuck!” She moaned and grit her teeth and almost swallowed the elfroot when she felt his finger rubbing against her clit. She doubled over in his lap, back curled like a cat and she just rested her head against his stomach. All her muscles were too tight to move.

 

          This wasn’t her normal reaction to getting touched, because he wasn’t touching her _normally_. He wasn’t stroking the entire length like a good and kind person would, no, Sten had used his pointer and ring finger to pull and tug at the skin and hood of her clit until he found the most sensitive hidden nub of nerves and pressed down on it with his middle finger. And should she so much as twitch or jerk her hips away from the too intense sensation, he’d just put his finger back, and rub harder and faster than before. The stretched skin stung but each time she even registered anything mildly uncomfortable, her brain quickly transformed it to pleasure and sent that sensation straight to her overstimulated clit.

 

          The feeling took over her body, it was too much. Too intense. Just, it overwhelmed her. And Sten made no concessions on giving her a break at all. He just kept it rubbing until it was just right. Until her body acclimated to the intensity and she craved more. When she found her breath and control she moaned loudly, secrecy be damned. Her thighs shook wildly and her stomach clenched painfully. She was so close. And she made the mistake of saying so.

 

          “I’m gonna cum.” She whimpered involuntarily, her face pressed against his bare stomach, kissing wildly at the trail of hair that lead down between his legs. Then all the sense the ancestors had given a nug shot through her body and she cursed herself for speaking and she wanted to bite his stomach in protest before he did what she knew he’d do.

 

          He fucking stopped.

 

          Well not all the way. Only when she was right on the edge did Sten pull back, how kind of him. He let the stretched hood go back to protecting the sensitive nub and placed his fingers higher up her clit to the thinner, less sensitive base. No attempts to at least meet in the middle. No, he just slowly stroked and rubbed her to angry frustration instead of the orgasm that just barely slipped through her grasp.  

 

          “Fuck you, fucking fuck Sten.” Illiana cursed against his stomach, grinding her hips down to get more out of his touch. Or push his fingers to someplace more productive. She wanted that intensity again, those explosions of pleasure, just bursting and overflowing in her body, but he wouldn’t give in and let her cum yet. She growled and pulled her dagger from her waist band, now at her knees, and cut his smalls off. Sten laughed a smug laugh but she didn’t care. Once the fabric was out of the way, his dick sprung out to meet her, knocking gently against her covered chest. She licked her hand and went to work stroking up and down its length.

 

          “I care little what our companions think.” Sten finally answered, when she doubled over he had move his head from her neck and settled his head against the willow trunk. With one hand, he still stroked between her legs. Not at a pace or position to make her climax though.  Still, every so often he’d slip a finger inside, but that was only to relubricate his fingertip before returning to rubbing her clit. His other hand ran through her dread locs, pushing them out of her face and off her cheeks, each time they fell and each time he moved to get them out of the way. “But I know you do not wish for them to hear what I plan to do to you.” He said.

 

          And as if on cue, a long-strained moan settled in her chest and slipped past her lips. “Shit.” She cursed, squeezing harder on his dick. She moved up the length and rubbed her palm against the head. It slipped, precum slicking her palm. She went back to stroking his dick. “If you weren’t so fucking impatient it would- fuck fuck.” Illiana gasped, her chest and head falling lower into his lap while her ass still hung in the air. Sten slid two fingers inside and fuck, his fingers were big, and long. He curled them up inside her, pressed on her spot, and stretched her out, all which made her walls clench and her hips thrust back against his probing.

 

          Sten was right, she didn’t want anyone to see her so lost in desire. Or to know just how often they fucked. Or how absolutely insatiable she was. It didn’t matter how much they fucked, how many times she came, how sodding exhausted she was, if Sten so much as brushed his hand against her cheek while they walked, she was consumed with lust all over again. It was embarrassing.  Illiana panted and moaned and kept stroking his dick, faster and faster, it was pressed against her chest and cheek because of the bowed position he put her in.

 

          “Kadan.” Sten said. As undone as she was already, Sten was composed by comparison. There was a little hint of strain in his voice but the only way she could tell how aroused he was by how his dick twitched against her check and throbbed in her hand. His free hand, the one that was in her hair, gathered up some of her dreads and pulled at the base. Like the bite, it stung for only a second before just adding to the pleasure her body was in. When her head was high enough, he pushed it back down, her mouth and nose running into his dick.

 

          The only way he could be clearer in his wants was to just say “Suck my cock.”

 

          “Impatient bastard.” She chuckled and spit out the elfroot. Her mouth and throat sufficiently numbed. Then, slowly, she lowered her mouth around his dick. She took the head in first and licked around it slowly, the unmistakable spongey texture and taste flooding her senses and her body took over. It was muscle memory at this point. Her mouth opened wider and let the rest of his dick follow, across the tongue till it grazed the back of her throat. 

 

          “There we go, Kadan.” Sten let out a slow, rattling breath. Akin to steam escaping from a hot cauldron, leaking out from the sides of the lid while the pot sat on top of a blazing fire. It was just a hint of the pent up need he’d allowed to escape.

 

          He moved his hand from the back of her head and placed it on her cheek again. Illiana responded by slowly adjusting his dick’s position in her mouth and opening her jaw more so it could rest comfortably against the side of her mouth. They’d done this too many times, it was so predictable.

 

          Sten chuckled and gently ran his thumb up and down the side of her face. And he made little circles. And also, he pressed his thumb into her cheek, hard, just as he’d done before with her lips.  No one would misconstrue his actions as anything other than for his own self-satisfaction.  Illiana felt every time his thumb rubbed against the head of his dick because it pinched her cheek, wedged between the two opposing forces.  

 

          But what his other hand was doing, that was entirely for Illiana and her own needs. So, the pinches hardly bothered her. She focused on her breathing while Sten’s dominate hand was cupped on top of her ass, his thumb tapping gently on her cheeks while his middle and ring finger slid slowly in and out of her. She swallowed hard and moan against his dick, squeezing it in her mouth when he lifted her ass up slightly, just enough so that he could push his fingers inside her, knuckle deep.

 

          “You should not talk with your mouth full.” He said evenly, still rubbing her cheek and finger fucking her, but all and all unaffected by anything she was doing.

 

          It was always like that. Illiana opened one eye and glared up at Sten. With one hand she gripped the base of his dick and worked from where her lips stopped and his pubic hair ended just the remainder she hadn’t shoved down her throat. And with the other hand, she reached under his balls to give them a quick squeeze and fondle, something to make the smug smile on his lips falter. But still nothing. Well not nothing, he did push his fingers inside her faster and spread them just enough to stretch out her walls and make her legs shake. Controlled breathing hit low on her to-do list and she coughed around his dick to get the spit she’d almost inhaled out of her mouth, letting it roll down her chin and pool on the grass between them. Sten just chuckled and let out another long exhale through his parted lips.

 

          Only a little crack in his armor but that was enough, Illiana decided. She lifted one of her legs, with Sten’s fingers still thoroughly working her over and moved it to the other side of his leg. He was kind enough to straighten his leg slightly, so she’d have something to rub her clit against while she sucked him off. Sten used his palm to push her ass down, giving her a good friction to grind her clit against as well.

 

All through this though, she did her damn best at maintaining eye contact with him. She just ate those subtle facial expressions up. She wanted to see the exact moment his smile shifted from amusement to one teetering on the edge of desperation. Right on the edge when he was deciding if he should cum down her throat or all over her face. It was hard, each wet sound her spit covered hands made on his dick, or the sound of her pussy being fucked, or even her own moans and gargles echoing and rattling around in her head, set shock waves through her body and made her mind blank, but she wouldn’t take her eyes off him.

 

          “What are you staring at, Kadan?” He said pleasantly, his hands were back in her hair again. He loved playing with her hair. It was a thing they both shared. It reminded them both of home. In intimate but not sexual private moments he twisted her dreads for her and helped washed them and in returned she braid his hair back while his big body rested between her legs. This wasn’t one of those sweet moments though. He just wanted to use her hair like a marionette’s strings.

 

          Once he’d had his fill playing with her long, gold crown capped hair, pushing it back and forth, running his fingers along her exposed scalp, moving it from her face and back, he took as much as he could and yanked up from the base. Her mouth came off his dick with a wet pop. That sound coaxed out another shaky sigh from Sten, this time with a low moan trailing at the end.  He rubbed his dick against her cheeks and lips while she swallowed and took in a few deep breaths of air to refill her lungs for round too.

 

          “Were you watching to see when I would cum in your mouth?” He asked. Illiana, even with the bottom half of her face covered in spit and her eyes half lidded in her own pleasure, her eyes were striking. Cave dark, behind them was a hell only the brave would even dare to explore. Sten clenched his jaw while her dangerous eyes bore holes into him.

 

          “You’ll know when I’m done, _princess._ ” Her old title slipped from his heaving chest as a growl. _Princess_ was normally reserved for someone who whispered it into their lover’s ear while they intended to fuck them from sunset to sunrise. But this, this time it was dipped in condescending arrogance and was so transparently patronizing, it came full circle and Illiana’s walls clenched around his fingers. The beast behind the deep caves of her eyes, the monster that was Illiana’s desires, groaned and creaked at the edge of its hiding place in the shadows. And Sten was the hunter who thought they were clever enough to bait it, and fight it, and claim it as his own.

 

          “You will know when I am done, because it will be dripping down all over your beautiful face.” Sten clenched his teeth, biting back his own desire but Illiana saw it, plain as day, and licked her lips in response. He would swear to the day he was laid to rest that he saw fire spark behind her eyes when she lowered her lips back on him.

 

          Illiana sucked hard on his dick. She licked and sucked and licked more until salty precum leaked out on her tongue. And then she sucked harder. Bless the elfroot. He didn’t moan but she felt his grip tighten in her hair, his fingernails scraping her scalp. She took in a deep breath and looked up at him. His pale brows pressed together in frustration but he was aware enough to see the signal.

 

          "Swallow it." Sten ordered, his voice cracked. He pushed her head down. "Swallow it all." And pushed her head further down, down, until she kissed the base. And then further down. Until her nose was nestled in a mess of white hair and skin. The transition from her wet mouth to the tightness of her throat made his toes curl in his socks. He panted and mouthed “ _Ataash_ ” while he just held her there, enjoying the feeling of her throat reflexively spasming around his dick or the muffled gags in her throat. He knew he could savor the moment because he knew, she knew to pinch his thigh when it was too much. And since one hand sat under his balls, and the other rubbed his thigh lovingly, he just craned his head back and moaned in his chest. An almost roar.

 

          Illiana broke eye contact with him, only because she was focused on the task of relaxing her throat around his girth. Panic was easy to fall into if spit when down the wrong pipe or she couldn’t suppress her gag reflex enough so she shut her eyes to narrow her attention, and furiously grind her clit against his leg for her own satisfaction. The elfroot helped with any pain though, and her body transformed any other mild discomfort to pleasure so it was all a matter of not losing focus. But it was hard. It was like when he’d touched the most sensitive part of her clit. It was explosive. And that pleasure seized all control of her body and every thought in her mind. It only wanted to steer her to completion. It didn’t help that his dick was so far down her throat that she couldn’t breathe through her nose either. The lack of air just amplified everything. The more she rubbed her clit, and the tighter his dick felt in her throat, the more her lungs burned. And that burn made her dizzy in the best way possible.  Until her legs were shaking again, and a strained pressure of air pushed from her lungs against his dick. Her heart pounded in her ears and her sight shifted and blurred. She clenched her stomach hard, pushing his dick, what was still left that had been covered by his hair and hidden in his soft body, deeper into her throat and came. But before she couldn’t and was past the point of no return though, she pinched his thigh.  

 

          Sten pulled her by her hair quickly, taking back his dick with a long trail of spit from the head to her mouth and she panted and moaned and cursed as she came against his leg. She let go of his balls to grip the grass underneath them but her short fingernails on the other hand dug into his hip. Sten stroked his cock while he watched her come, the sight almost pushing him over the edge of he didn’t have such self-control. So, he let go and just whispered under his breath various phrases in Qunlat she never asked him to translate while she came down and let her head slump low.

 

          Sten lifted her head back, pulling from the base until his hand rubbed against her shoulders, and looked at her face. The dragon behind her eyes still there, pacing, even though her face was a bigger mess of spit and her forehead was soaked in sweat and specks of pollen from nearby flowering plants. He swallowed hard and cursed behind his teeth. _Parshaara_ , he whispered, though it was a lie. It was not enough. Even though she’d cum and was panting on his lap, he could feel her hips move again. They were far from done for the afternoon.

 

          “Stop grinding against me.” Sten said sternly, using his fingers inside her as leverage to stop her movements. “I can tell you were raised as royalty. You have that unmistakable selfishness about you, _Princess_.” He said the title with even more venom and disregard for any sensitivity to her past. But Illiana smiled, and bit down on her bottom lip, sucking in air through her teeth before letting it go and her smile turning into a wicked smirk.

 

“How am I selfish?” She asked, staring into his eyes again. Where he saw a deep cave behind her dark eyes, in his pale lavender eyes she saw a fog covered stone door nestling against an equally impressive wall. Dangerous but a whole different kind of mystery. The danger of Illiana came with each step, each movement forward meant one further from the exit. Up until the moment she overwhelmed them and set them aside to rot in the deep labyrinth of her being. But for Sten, oh for Sten. The danger was there. Just behind that door. If you were willing enough to open it, the Dragon behind the door would gobble up whoever’s dumb enough to peek between the beams.

 

          But like Sten, Illiana saw it, and wanted it. Not to control it, no. The dragon was rattling and shaking and scratching behind the thick doors of his eyes and she wanted to make it break free and gobble her up.

 

           “Because I came before you?” Illiana laughed to the air, even with his hands holding her in place, she still had her hands free. She reached under her shirt and pitched at her nipple. Oh, did she moan lewdly.

 

           “Will you punish me for being such a selfish princess?” She licked her lips.

 

          “Parshaara!” Sten hissed. “Why do you insist on speaking when you have better things to do with your mouth, _princess_?”  He growled and swallowed hard against a lump in his throat.

 

          He didn’t let go of her ass but he did let go of her hair. Only for a moment. Only long enough for her to position herself back down over his dick. And then wrap her too hot mouth around it. He let her get it nice and slick with her tongue before he took up her hair, and pushed her head back down again.

 

          “Yes…” He groaned, holding her head past her squirms. She didn’t pinch him so he knew he could. Not just that he could, but that she wanted this just as badly as he did. Maybe more? Who knows. It mattered little when he lifted his hips off the ground, humping her mouth gently.

 

          “I am impressed.” Sten laughed, looking down at the top of Illiana’s head, and her ass perched against his leg. He cursed again under his breath. “Is this what they teach your royalty in Orzammar?” He asked, lifting her head up, just enough for the spit to pool at the base of his dick and he could look in her eyes.

 

          Illiana was stuck in that half way point between seeing an unseeing. Her vision of him shifting back and forth between coherent image and a blurred mess and the cause of this she couldn’t parse. It was either the growing fire in her chest from the lack of air, or the absolute inferno between her thighs that needed immediate attention. Or both fires, joining and feeding on each other, and smoking out her thought and sight. If Sten would stop holding her hips still she’d cum again for sure.

 

          “Or did you learn to swallow dick all on your own?” He lowered her back down, grinding into her mouth, one, two, three, four times before pulling all the way out. More sputtering spit and trails of fluid flew from her lips while she gasped for air. She would have answered his silly question but he pushed her back down on his dick again. Not all the way. Just enough that his dick rested against her tonsils and he could close the gap when he fucked up into her mouth. Oh, and so she could breathe, carefully, through her nose. He didn’t want her to pinch his thigh too soon.

 

          “When this is all over _princess_ ,” Sten panted, his head lulled back against the tree and his eyes barely open while he watched the patterns of the light dance in the tree. The sky was a pale purple and blue now. They’d been gone for too long. He knew he needed to end it, hell if he looked at her while he fucked her mouth, he was sure to cum immediately. But he couldn’t. Not yet. It was still too damn soon and his desire hadn’t been fully satiated. 

 

          “When this is all over, I want you to come back with me.” He moaned, more like growled and thrusted deeper and harder into her throat. The back of her throat would be sore for days. She couldn’t think of any engagements that needed her voice but she wasn’t thinking anyway so the point was mute. All she wanted to do was rub herself off again but Sten refused to let her cum again _. But…. She was a selfish princess after all. He wouldn’t let her cum again, not before he did. It’s only right._

 

          “I want you always at my side, always near me whenever I am in need. Whenever I cannot stand it anymore, I want you there so you can take me into your mouth so I can spill directly into your stomach.” He groaned, and wheezed and fucked her mouth faster, each time she got a moment of air, long moans escaped through her nose and vibrated in her mouth and directly around his dick. That just made him fuck her mouth harder. But he still had control of himself, enough that he wanted to hear her answer. So, he pulled her hair up again and off his dick and lowered his gaze back to her face.

 

          There were little tears in the corners of her eyes, and her lids sat so low, but she was alert, and frustrated and horny. She met his eyes with a look consumed with desire and swallowed some of the spit in her mouth. Though it would do nothing about the spit down her nose and chin. Sten rubbed his wet dick across her face gently, on her forehead and down her nose bridge. Still she didn’t break eye contact.

 

          “Do you like my proposition, _my princess_?” He asked. _His princess_. The phrase was a log of oil soaked wood and he’d just thrown it on the burning desire inside her. More fuel for the fire. “To be for my use, whenever and wherever I need you?” Sten panted, and finally reclaimed his fingers from her pussy. He placed that hand on her cheek, and with his other hand grabbed the opposite side. He held her head still while he rubbed his dick harder on her face, making it wet and slick with spit.

 

          “Yes.” She panted, her lips pursed by his hands squeezing her face. “Whenever you want me, I’m there.” She lied. They were both lying. If Sten asked her to come it would not be for anything so deprave, and she’d never go to Seheron, even if the request was tame. The surface world was terrible enough, an ocean journey would be her death. Whatever this was, it wasn’t meant to last. They both knew it. That was the fucking point. Because lies like that made both their climaxes so intense. 

 

           “Of course, you would say yes, _princess._ ” Sten groaned, and rubbed his dick against her lips, over and over until the spit dried and it tugged her lips up and down in sync with its movements. “It would not be different from how it is now. Where you stop what you’re doing for me, every time I ask. Anywhere we are. Right here in the middle of the forest with our nosey companions probably listening off in the distance.” The mention of voyeurs made Illiana shut her eyes tightly and moan deeply in her chest. Pleasure burned her ears and head until her skin seemed to vibrate from the overexcitement. Anything, his words, his dick sliding across her mouth, the idea that someone was watching from the forest edge, maybe even touching themselves to their show, any one of those things would have sent her over the edge if Sten would let her cum. But he wouldn’t, not till he got his. And all his stalling was torture.

 

          “Just like now, _princess._ You stopped because I told you to, all because I needed your lips wrapped around my dick.” Sten shoved his dick against her mouth, head first and let her open her mouth to receive him. He wasted no time fucking her mouth once again.

 

          Illiana dug her fingers into the grass and his hip. If anyone, _anyone_ , other than Sten ever talked to her like that, she’d not hesitate to lop their head off but, oh, did this turn her own to a near distressing level. And it didn’t help that she was just on the edge. Every now and again, Sten would lift his leg a little, just to bump her clit and send her gasping and whimpering around his dick.

 

          “You are so beautiful, _princess_.” He slumped his body forward, both his hands lost in her locs while he humped into her mouth.  He pushed her hair gently out of her face and let each wet slap and squeak wash over him, and climb inside him, and push him past rational thought. He rambled, switching between Qunlet and common. She only caught bits and pieces. “Your mouth.” He strained through his clenched teeth. “I would lose myself in your mouth, _princess._ You could bring a warrior to- _vashaden_ \- you could bring any warrior to their knees.” His hips moved erratically, and he held himself deeper into her mouth, longer and harder each time. He was so close.  But as much as she wanted him to cum in her mouth though, however hot it would be, and how ever turned on she was, the elfroot was wearing off and Illiana couldn’t pretend that it wasn’t becoming uncomfortable. So, she reached up and pinched his thigh, hard.  

 

          Sten pulled her head completely from his dick, and she gasped and drooled and sputtered for air. She felt him rest his dick on her face, and tired as she was, as much as her jaw hurt, she smiled. He had no intention of breaking the momentum. He rubbed the wet length up and down her face, letting his balls rest on her chin and lips until he grabbed the base of his dick and rubbed himself off, using her spit as lube.

 

          “This is for the best, _princess_.” Sten said and leaned his head to the side so that he could get a better look at her. It worked for both of them as she could hardly see him with his dick and knuckles in the way. “This way, I can watch you when I ejaculate all over your beautiful face.”

 

          “What are you waiting for then, Sten of the Beresaad.” Illiana teased, grinding her clit down on his leg again, he was too distracted to stop her. She kept her face trained on him while she quickly built herself back up to another climax. She bit her lip, held back a moan, swallowing it, and grinning at Sten. “I know they trained your people to finish a job they start.”

 

          A deep growl escaped Sten’s throat and the pace of his hand on his shaft quickened to a blur before her eyes and what she could see of his face showed he was holding on by a thread. Brows furrowed and mouth in a tooth bearing grimace and every now and again his lips would move, cursing in Qunlat to himself.

 

          Illiana kept her own eyes open to watch him as best she could, just to make sure their desires met and dance together in their eyes. His strained moans grew louder and higher pitched, each on them sending her closer to the edge of a well-deserved climax. And when she moaned, and shook, and forced her strained eyes open to watch him, he fed off it too. A constantly growing loop of proximity, and intimacy, growing exponentially off each other. Loud whimpers. Strained prayers. Choked curses. They drowned out the forest around them until their voices caught in their throats and they dived off the edge together.

 

          Illiana attempted to double over while she ground harder into Sten’s leg, just to squeeze every last drop of the chaotic release from her body. It was an attempt, because Sten held her head back by her hair again. She couldn’t open her eyes to watch but she didn’t need her sight to know he came. She had other senses.

 

          She heard one long soft grunt and felt his hand slow down to long and deliberate strokes. Then a warm liquid landed on her forehead and oozed down her face. Sten moved his dick down as he came, dragging the semen down her brows and cheeks and nose and finally to her lips. She felt him tug out anything left inside when he finally rested on her cheek. Illiana grinned and lapped up the semen that pooled in her slightly parted bottom lip.  

 

          She took a moment to breathe, licking her lips each time semen dripped over her mouth and enjoyed the sounds of Sten’s exhausted, but satisfied breathing. The longer they sat though, the sounds of the forest returned and only then did she notice the smell of sex mixed in the air with dirt and flowers and other vegetation. They’d have to take a slow walk back to camp to air themselves out.

 

          Illiana tried to open her eyes to start cleaning herself up but semen dropped down her eyebrow, she quickly shut them.

 

          “Sten. A little help.” Iliana huffed, blindly reaching for her pants.

 

          Sten chuckled to himself, more relaxed than his normal pent up persona, and ran his thumb over her forehead and face, scooping up what he could on his thumb and placing it in her mouth.

 

          “Your demeanor is very different outside of intercourse. I will be the first to say it can be disconcerting.” He chuckled more while she licked his thumb clean. He placed his thumb on her cheek and does the same, slowly and nowhere near effectively cleaning her face.

 

          “Some people are like that. I just like getting what I want.” She smirked, feeling his thumb on her other cheek. “If being submissive in bed gets me what I want, I don’t mind rolling over.”

 

          “Then I stand corrected, Kadan. You are a selfish princess in and out of the bedroom.” Sten finished cleaning what he could by hand and reached into his backpack and found some fabric. A bit of clothing that Illiana took from a fresh corpse. He ripped the bloodied part away and used the cleanest part to clean the rest of her face and then stopped. “Hmm.”

 

          “What. That doesn’t sound good.” Illiana opened her eyes and touched her face and cheeks, straining her eyes futilely to look at her own head.

 

          “I seem to have gotten some in your hair.” Sten said, absolutely unapologetic and grinning to himself.

 

          “Bronto piss! And we’re out of fucking water.” Illiana touched her head and she indeed felt the fluid, getting sticky in her hair. She snatched the rag from him and scrubbed into her locs. Some came out but her hair was still damp in that spot and she only managed to rub it deeper into her loc.

 

          “I will help you wash your hair when we return to camp.” Sten offered and stood up. He pulled his pants up and resecured his belt and armor quickly and quietly. Illiana did the same, grabbed Sten’s belt and using the shine of his armor as a mirror to make sure she was presentable.

 

          “Did my hair look like, this, when they left?” Illiana asked, pointing to her head. She normally lightly styled her dreads before they went out on a mission, either pushed to one side or the other but she was too tired to remember if she had at all.

 

          “I do not recall. But I doubt they will notice. I think they will be more concerned that we have been gone for some time.” Sten said, looking at the tree line again. Stars peaked through the purple sky. “You look fine.” He said, running his finger through her hair and messing it further.

 

          “Piss off.” Illiana grumbled and took up the lead, Sten following not far behind her. “You better be in my tent later. Throat fucking is fine but I think I earned a decent hump after that.” She said, climbing over a log in their path. Curse the surface.  

 

          “You only need to tell me what you would have me do, and it will be done, Kadan.” Sten said, she could hear the smile in his voice. But Illiana felt a pang of pain in her chest, it came when the high of the sex went down. She ignored it as best she could as she always did, but his words kept cycling in and out of her thought as they walked back to camp. Because it was another lie, and not the sexy kind.

 

          If she asked him to love her, he’d say no. It wasn’t the way of the Qun and she couldn’t ask him to keep going against who he was. Over indulging like they did couldn’t possibly be what the Qun preached, no matter how good it felt. One day she’d have to pull back from him before it became addictive and neither of them could stop. But she couldn’t stop herself earlier.

 

          “Actually, let’s fuck at the lake instead. That way I know I’ll be clean after.” She didn’t stop herself then either. Even with how guilty and selfish she felt. This was Gorim all the fuck over again. Illiana Aeducan, banished princess and general of Orzammar, always fucking men she couldn’t really have. That way she always had that excuse to put between them as a buffer, so she never had to be open with them. That was probably why sex was always so intense. What was lacking in emotional intimacy, she compensated with the physical. 

 

          It only worked for so long because Gorim knew how wicked she was inside. At her whim he enabled it at times. Just like Sten, if she gave the command, he followed but only to a point. Kill this man. Stop those rumors. Fuck me till my legs hurt. But love me, openly and honestly, he never obeyed.  Sten knew her selfishness too and she clung to his indifference and near cruelty. She always needed a partner in crime or else she’d be crushed under the weight of her own morality. The only other person who’d seen her at her absolute worst was Alistair and well…. Her and Alistair were just friends. And somewhere in the back of her mind, she was scared of tainting him. She ground her teeth, this time not out of sexual frustration but to bite back tears. With the high gone, the low followed, just like any drug.

 

          Alistair would love her like she needed.

 

_And he would. Oh, would he. Even the parts she thought were dirty and broken he’d cradle in his arms and kiss and tend till they stopped aching. And even if the sex was less intense, they didn’t have to hide, or pretend. For now, her body wanted Sten because it filled a hole so deep in her she couldn’t see the bottom sometimes, but in the future, when her and Alistair finally got together, she wouldn’t even remember what it felt like to be so empty and hollow._

 

           “Kadan?” Sten walked up beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder. Illiana sniffed and kept her eyes forward.

 

          “What?” She answered.

 

          “About Alistair…” He started, as if he could read her mind. She snapped her head to him and he nearly stepped back from shock. In her eyes, that dark cave, he swore he saw her dragon step forward, and watched its head swivel from side to side in search for something. Sten frowned. He knew what it was looking for, it was looking for Alistair.

 

_Another Aside, and one I should have mentioned earlier: Sten knows about how Alistair feels for Illiana. And he knows how she feels for him as well, even if she won’t say it. It’s obvious to everyone but the two blasted fools pining for each other. There were many times where he wanted to just nudge her in Alistair’s direction, simply as a friend helping another friend out with their love life. This was one of those times. But he always stops himself short before he let the words leave his lips. Their relationship was complicated and his feelings toward Illiana were even more complicated. The idea of Alistair, that spineless coward, that bumbling fool, that man who was too afraid to speak his truth, having his heart, his Kadan, filled him with a jealousy he knew he had no right to have. And he hated himself for it. Still, it didn’t stop him from wanting to get caught, so that she’d be his, and only his, even in the limited scope they could be together. But he always stopped short because he knew Illiana would never forgive him if she knew what was behind his actions. Like why he tried to make her cum so loud every time they were together. When they go to the lake later he’ll cover her mouth so she can scream into his palm while he pounds all of his guilt into her on the shore. When Illiana and Aeducan finally get together and stop circling the wagon, Sten will recite a silent prayer to himself. He will just be glad he is no longer slowly hurting his friend and himself and they can have a normal relationship and she can finally be able to be truly, truly happy with someone.  But for now._

 

           “I will follow a few moments after you.” Sten said, and slowed his steps to be behind her once again. “So that we do not have another incident like earlier.” He thought of Alistair as a coward but Sten knew he was just projecting. This thing they had, it wasn’t meant to last because it was not healthy. It only felt good when they fucked. Any other time though it made their stomachs sour.

 

          “Right.” Illiana said and stared forward until they got to camp. Her pace was much faster than before. She just needed to fuck Sten again so that it would all stop hurting.

 

          _Jokes on them though. The more she fucked him, the more that empty feeling consumed her. And the more he fucked her, the more the jealousy and guilt plagued his thoughts. So, it’s a good thing after that night, they never slept together again. They never talked about it with each other before nor after. They just stopped. And they never had those secret meetings anymore. They just gave each other the space they needed to heal and rebuild their friendship without all the lying and pain. I can’t tell you when it fell apart or why, because it was never something with a sturdy foundation to begin with. It’s like trying to find a crack in a sandcastle. It was all cracks! It was held together by water tension and nothing else. Let the tide come in and it will wash away. Let the sun rise too high in the sky and the water will evaporate and it will crumble. Strong wind? Gone. Clumsy child? Crushed. Pesky seagull? Finished. Even the weight of its own constructions will send it toppling over. That might have been it for Sten and Illiana. They’d just been doing this thing too long. And it just fell apart from the weight of its own gravity._

 

_But it was okay though. They were okay. When it ended, they were both better for it. And even though they didn’t talk about it, they never looked down on what they had or felt any shame for it. They were both pragmatic people and so knew that, as weak as it was, they needed those moments. They were just lonely and hurting, and so homesick they couldn’t stand it. The same way Illiana needed to see Sten in Dwarven armor and Sten needed to run his fingers across her coarse hair. The sex was just an extension of that loneliness, one that in the beginning, curbed their isolation in the strange land of Thedas, just enough to get them through one more day. But at the end, it just made them sick and angry with themselves, for using each other as a coping mechanism. It was like alcohol, one shot after a rough day isn’t so bad, but when you start downing bottles just to get up in the morning, maybe it’s time to take a good hard look inward and figure out what you’re trying to drown._

 

_But happy ending. Because they were good after it all. When Alistair and Illiana had their mock wedding, because the royals of Thedas would not allow them to have a real one, Sten gave her away, with a hug and a kiss on the forehead. And his lips on her skin did nothing to them. Not sexually at least. And they were both happy for that._

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings as promised below: 
> 
>  
> 
> 1) Their sexual relationship is unhealthy. It’s codependent and selfish and neither of them feel good afterword’s. This is drawing from my own subjective experiences and just reworking some of my own feelings from a FWB into fictional characters. So I can say from personal experience, this sort of unhealthy sexual relationship is very triggering so if that’s a thing, I wouldn’t read this. I make no qualms, especially toward the end, about digging into how bad it makes them feel, and how wrong they both are for keeping it going. The reason I put it in a NSFW fic was because that’s just how it was for me. That sexual high before and that deep lower afterwards flowed into each other in the worst kinda way. So sorry if I get your bits excited for sad shit in the end. Lol..
> 
> 2)Sten does talk down to Illiana during sex. This isn’t so much as a personal experience thing but just, if you don’t like demeaning dirty talk in sex, like he calls her Princess in a mean way, then I’d say skip this and go read some of my other shit.
> 
> 3) There is throat fucking. Like, that’s kind of intense for some people so just a heads up on that one. They do it safe and consensually though, they have non verbal queues though as well as they maintain eye contact with each other so nothing bad happens.
> 
> If there are other triggers you see that I didn’t, send me a message here or comment below and I’ll add them!
> 
> Triggers End and Author End Notes Begin:
> 
> So like I said, this def was a lot more experimental than I planned. How I write I don’t always have a clear finished idea and just work from a general thought bubble and then I just let the words flow and then dig about and play around with what’s on the paper. So this kinda flowed organically over a few pass throughs. But I’ve always really wanted to play around with points of view in my writing so I guess that leaked through. I mostly write in 3rd person limited but I wanted to play with a 3rd person omniscient where I played the part of the chorus dropping dramatic irony all over the place since the story ended up so personal. So it kinda ended up more whimsical than I planned. At least I think so. Since it was personal for me, writing out the ending was cathartic and I did end up crying to myself like a goober.
> 
> So I have a few more prompts as well as a M’Baku x Reader fic planned that SHOULDN’T end up sad but I’m a bad person that thrives on negativity I swear so I will do my best to knock that sad shit out of the rough drafts before I submit anything else for a bit. I wanna work through my bad shit but I don’t wanna get consumed in it.
> 
> I also SCREAMED at myself recently over realizing something about Thane that will vastly alter my Stained Hands Series so if you follow my personal account, major spoilers for that shit because what I realized was ABSOLUTE RUBBISH and I’m kicking myself and Bioware for being dumb.
> 
> If you wanna check out my not word work, check out my art tumblr at 8-Legs.tumblr.com. There is a companion pic for this fic that I might edit into this fic but it’s gross lmao. If you’d like to see it, just message me and I’ll send it to you on private lol.


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